Mr. Sharpe Arrives. He’s a bit frazzled, with his arms full of papers and folders. The students continue their chatter as he arrives, except Rebecca who immediately sits at attention.

PRINCIPLE SHARPE: Alright everyone! Settle down. Back in your seats.

They sit back down.

REBECCA: We were starting to get worried about you.

REN: sarcastically Yeah… We were all reeeaally worried.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Thank you for your concern, Ren and Rebecca, but I am perfectly all right. Apologies for my tardiness, I had some urgent matters to handle.

He ruffles through his papers until he finds the list for detention.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Alright, let’s make sure we have everyone.

Reading off an attendance list.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Ashley Anderson

ASHLEY: Here

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:Tell your father I say hello. Jake Clarke

JAKE: Here If he doesn’t speak up, Brandon elbows him

BRANDON: Tell him about the note from coach

JAKE: Coach gave us this note because he needs us in practice

Sharpe holds out his hand to receive the note from him.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Oh, did he? Let me see this note.

Wait for Jake to bring the note up. He looks at the note, looks at Jake. Give him a moment of hope of being dismissed. Sharpe picks up a sharpie from the desk and writes DENIED in big letters.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: I’m sure Coach Johnson understands how important discipline is. Next time you see him, remind him for me that that principle applies both on and off the field. You can sit back down.

Continued down the list

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Lauren Davis… Yes. Ren has already made her presence know.

REN: Yes, I did!

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: And I expect you were in your seat on time before the bell rang?

REN: Oh, of course! Absolutely

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Knowing she’s probably lying. Well, maybe if you could make that a habit you wouldn’t be in detention as often.

REN: Oh, but then I would miss our quality time together!

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: I’m sure there are other quality activities you could spend your time on. Like studying for instance.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Jesse Hawkins

JESSE: Here

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: I’ve been looking forward to seeing your work at the senior art show.

JESSE:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: I really hope you don’t loose that privilege. Back to the list. Katie Hershel

KATIE: Here

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Sorry your prom committee presentation will need to be rescheduled.

KATIE:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Back to the list. Taylor Johnson.

TAYLOR: Here

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: I don’t think I’ve seen you since your first day in… March was it?

TAYLOR:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Well hopefully the next time I see you will be more positive circumstances. Back to the list. Brandon Lewis

BRANDON: Here

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Do you also have a note for me?

BRANDON: Yes

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Bring it up.

Brandon brings the note up. As he does, Sharpe continues, pausing to write denied when appropriate.

—— if we have an extra participant ——-

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Cameron Macintosh

CAMERON: Here

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Good to see you again. Congratulations on winning the film competition.

CAMERON:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: I very much enjoyed your work.

———————————–

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Alex Moore

ALEX:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Never thought I’d see you in detention.

ALEX:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: First time for everything. Back to the list. Stacy Paul.

STACY: Here.

Sharpe holds a beat expecting she might also have a note.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: See, unlike Coach Johnson, Mrs. Caldwell understands that you can’t just erase your problems by writing a letter. Be sure to bare that in mind, Breakfast Club.

Back to the list.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Danny (or Sandra) Russo (depending on the gender of the participant)

DANNY/ SANDRA: here

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: I heard you were making a spectacle in the cafeteria when all this happened?

DANNY/ SANDRA:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Echo whatever they say. Alright, well whatever happened, I trust it won’t happen again… right?

DANNY/ SANDRA:

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Jordan Thompson.

DANNY or STACY: She/ he had to go to the emergency room.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Oh, yes. That’s right. How is he/she doing? Jordan’s gender is whatever the participant’s gender is.

DANNY/ STACY: Stacy throw focus to Danny as if to say “what should we say?” let it get a bit awkward before being the one to answer. We haven’t heard from her.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Oh, hopefully it’s nothing too serious and he/she will have a speedy recovery.

REBECCA: I’ll be keeping her in my prayers.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Thank you, Rebecca White. You are the final person on my list, so with the exception of Ms/ Mr. Thompson, everyone is present.

Now, as you know, you are all here because you took part in a food fight. I know you all think this was a funny little prank, but it is a very serious matter. Because many of you are first time offenders, the school board has agreed to let the majority of you off with just “disturbance of the peace”.

But food fights don’t start themselves, so someone will need to held responsible for inciting the incident, which is punishable by a week of suspension.

Students complaints escalate. “What?!” “Suspension?!” “It was a joke/ accident!” etc.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Settle down. You’re lucky you’re not all suspended.

REN: to their friends I bet he doesn’t even know what it means to get lucky.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Did you have something you needed to say, Jesse? This is intentionally wrongly attributing it to the participant.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Next time please raise your hand, or that’ll be another detention.

REN: It’s already on our calendar. high fiving Jesse

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: As I was saying, at least one person, possibly a few of you, will need to take responsibility for starting this.

Wait a moment to see if anyone responds

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is someone comes forward and takes responsibility. The hard way is you all get suspended. So which is it gonna be?

Beat they all wait expectantly for someone to come forward.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Anyone? …. Bueler?

If one of the participants does confess, Principle Sharpe thanks them for taking responsibility, but says he knows it wasn’t them.

STACY: It was probably Renn. She’s always causing trouble.

REN: I’m glad my reputation precedes me, but it wasn’t me this time. It was one of those meatheads that called out “food fight!”

BRANDON: Because Ashley was covered in soup!

ASHLEY: That Alex threw all over me.

ALEX (or Rebecca defending them): Which was an accident!

ASHLEY: Well, Taylor’s soda certainly wasn’t.

At whatever point the “BEEPER” timer goes off SHARPE is a bit distracted by that. He resets it for another 2-3m

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Alright, alright, alright! (perhaps hitting the desk or clapping to get their attention) Before you all start pointing fingers at each other, maybe you should take a moment to talk to each other. I think all of you could benefit from interacting with someone who’s not in your clique.

Writing on the board.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Let’s see, who do I trust to lead a group? Alex, Rebecca, Stacy…. Jake… and Taylor.

The rest are in alphabetical order from your attendance sheet assigned to your leads in reverse order.

The students get up to sit in their groups.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE: Now, I need to take care of something important, so I’m going to step out for a few minutes to make a phone call. Hopefully when I get back you all will have learned something about each other.

Do you all think this is a joke?

• He scolds them for not doing what they’re told. 
• Ups the stakes
  • No prom
  • No big game
  • No musical
  • No senior art show
  • Kicked out of national honors society
  • On your permanent record, goes on your college applications
• Alex and Rebecca are put in charge. 
• 30m

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

Alright! What have you determined?

–

SPEAKER (preferably a participant, probably Alex or Taylor):

Principal Sharpe…

–

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

Oh boy, I hope this isn’t going where I think it’s going.

The group gives a reassuring nod to the designated speaker.

–

SPEAKER:

After careful consideration of the facts at hand, we have determined that none of us were truly responsible for inciting the incident, and therefore it wouldn’t be fair.

–

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

Sharpe cuts them off, ideally with the word fair or responsible. Whatever is said try to echo their verbiage.

Example option: You don’t think it’s *fair* to be held responsible your actions?

Example option: So you think not a single one of you were responsible for inciting the food fight that damaged school property and sent a student to the emergency room?

–

STUDENT:

It was an accident.

–

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

Oh, it was an accident? Well, let me tell you something, when you’re a grown up in the real world you’re going to have to take responsibility for your actions even when your actions are an accident. And it is my job to prepare you for the real world.

–

STUDENT:

But we are trying to take responsibility.

–

OTHER STUDENT:

Please Principal Sharpe, hear us out.

–

OTHER STUDENTS (in chorus):

Please, Mr. Sharpe

–

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

Ok, fine. I’ll hear you out.

–

SPEAKER:

Gives the pitch

At the end of the pitch, they look at him with hopeful expectance.

–

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

Look, it’s very heartwarming that you have all agreed not to blame each other, but the student handbook demands that in any instance of violence, the inciter is to receive 5 days suspension. And when it isn’t clear who is responsible, all parties will be held responsible. Every single one of you participated in the fight even though, as you say, there was no violence incited against you.

So in actuality, it would be entirely fair for me to suspend every single one of you. Would it not?

The students erupt in protest, exclaiming how cruel and unfair it is that he would ruin their high school experience/ college scholarships. Ashley threatens her dad will take him to court. Brandon says coach will override him, etc.

–

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

Enough! Life is cruel and unfair. It is cruel and unfair that my sister died, and now I am the sole care-taker of her 7-year-old daughter who is currently home alone for the first time because her babysitter cancelled, but I’m stuck here supervising detention for a bunch of delinquents. Meanwhile the school board is so far up my ass about improving behavioral standards and test scores that I’m skating on thin ice and this little sob story from you shit heads could cost me my job. And none of that is fair. Sometimes you just need to face the consequences whether it’s fair or not.

A moment of stunned silence. He has said too much.

Wait for a participant to say something. Depending on what they say, an inter-actor can reinforce their response. Or if the participants say something Sharpe can take the hit off of, skip the next line.

–

REN:

Well… you’ve got a nice sob story yourself, but what if you had to face the consequences of leaving these shitheads without a supervisor for half of detention today. Would you say that was fair?

–

REBECCA:

Ren shut up!

Beat for any participant reactions.

PRINCIPAL SHARPE:

No, she’s right.

Beat

Fine. I’ll bring your proposal to the board.

The students cheer and express their gratitude.

But you have to promise to follow through on this plan of yours. I’m putting my neck out for you!

The students assure him. The bell rings.

THE END